Wonder Woman

Interview #1 My Magnificent Mother.
I asked her nicely, “Mother, can I please practice my interview on you?”
She tilted her beautiful head to the side and said, “Of course babe! Just tell me when and where.”
“Great! My place. Lunchtime. Today. And…can I give you some laundry to take home with you…pleeeease?” Shameless, I know.
My Mother is my biggest inspiration and after raising me as a single-mom for over 10 years I have to blame her in big part for me being the happy person I am today.
Lunch hour finally came and we met in my small cluttered apartment. As I gathered my laundry my Mother stood in my bathroom freshening up. She re-applied her ruby lipstick and showed her excitement for being my interview guinea pig.
“So? What are these questions?”
And so, it began. My questions didn’t flow beautifully or show her quite how much I cared about her answers but for my first interview I was able to reach some of my goals. I got to know my Mom better and I got to remind her that she’s strong and capable.
I grabbed my cheat sheet, “When you hear the word, ‘Courage’, what comes to mind.”
She immediately blurted out, “Single moms. Is that the kind of answer you’re looking for? Sorry.”
“No need to apologize! There are no wrong answers. That’s perfect.” I reassured her.
“Oh good. Also, doing the right thing. That takes a lot of courage sometimes.”
Yes it does. Especially when you’ve grown up not always knowing right from wrong. After discussing motivating factors in her life, (Love. Love. Love!) I asked her about abuse. If she’s ever endured abuse of any kind. I let her know that a yes or no answer was perfectly fine but if she wanted to say more I wanted to listen. She told me that she felt growing up with an alcoholic parent was a form of abuse.

As an adult she has been abused verbally and emotionally but thankfully her maturity, strength and wonderful children have helped her regain HOPE!
She was able to easily list off activities that make her feel good about herself. Artwork, exercise, prayer, and being with her children were a few. When coping with stress she allows herself to cry, she talks to her sister and at times eats more or less than is healthy to hide her pain. She can see her weaknesses and her strengths in a more clear light. Most importantly she can see that her struggles are her own and not someone else trying to overpower her anymore. She used to feel she did not deserve good things but now she is able to stick up for herself, see what a great mother she is and have the courage to trust others and share her heart without giving herself away.
I smiled full of pride at the wonderful Mom I’ve been blessed with, “Mom, what advice would you give to others who are dealing with abuse?”
The sparkle in her eyes turned to a stern determined look, “I would tell them that they do not deserve it! It is the abusers problem. If they are in the midst of abuse, get out! We all have to realize that it is not our problem and none of us deserves to be abused.”
“Thank you so much for your courage Mom. I love you.”

Ice Man

Interview #2 - Wes aka Iceman

“I’m hungry!”

Wes looked over at me with his “you’re my favorite brat” expression, “Blaze, I’m going to start cooking right now.”

Yes, I am a lucky girl! I sat on his big squishy couch for a moment contemplating what I should do while he whipped up a scrumptious meal. I could read, I could watch tv or I could do what I’d been putting off and interview him.

I grabbed a pen and paper and skipped into the kitchen, “Mmm! It smells…chickeny! Ready to be interviewed?” I asked.

“Sure!” he exclaimed without hesitation.

And so, we began, “What comes to mind when you think of the word ‘courage’?”

“A lot of military movies…Colin Powell, he was a prominent figure that overcame a lot of adversity.”

A smile spread across my face. This was going to be much different then interviewing a woman. I started to get excited.

Wes grew up as a military brat. His family was always moving from state to state, base to base making it nearly impossible for him to have lasting friendships. In his life, being the new kid equaled being the new prey. Someone to pick on and tease to make that 4th grade girl giggle or to make the class forget the time they caught you picking your nose. He was an easy mark and the little teasing and two-faced “friends” started to harden his heart. It became almost impossible to feel he could trust anyone. He was suddenly a young cynic. He relied on books to be his lifeline and at an early age began to find comfort in writing.

Writing and reading are two true passions of his. You can often find him at a coffee shop or bookstore furiously scribbling in a notepad. He is one of the most talented people I’ve ever met. I used to admire how humble he was but I came to realize that he just didn’t know how great he was.

I asked him to tell me some ways that he deals with stress. As he named a few activities I started to realize that they were all healthy and responsible, which in my head screamed, unrealistic!

I looked up at him, “You’ve listed off some very good ways you deal with stress; exercise, writing, video games. Have you ever dealt with stress in an unhealthy manner?”

His eyes drooped and he looked down at the floor for a moment, “Yes. When I found out I had to serve in Iraq. I was angry and sad…and scared so, I drank…a lot.”

I felt a lump grow in my throat. He rarely talks about Iraq and when he does he gives no details. I’ve never wanted to poke and prod about that time in his life but he served in Iraq for an entire year so I can only imagine how challenging it must have been. He went on to tell me stories of his drinking. At that time he did not want to think about the hardships he was about to face so he tried to cover all his feelings with alcohol. He was drinking day and night to the point of sheer embarrassment. I can’t blame him but thankfully I also can’t imagine him that way. In the year and a half that I’ve known him I have never ever seen him drunk. He said that the shame that drinking brought him made him quickly change his ways.

Today Wes is a stronger, more confident man then he’s ever been. He’s finishing up his last few college courses. He’s gotten more than one promotion since I’ve met him. When the doctor said his cholesterol was too high he took the initiative to change his lifestyle and be in control of who he wants to be. He goes to the gym nearly everyday and he cooks me delicious healthy meals almost every night. Score! Wes is the most well-rounded, fun and loving man I’ve ever known and it is an amazing blessing to have him in my life.

Dazzler

Interview #3 Dazzler

Unique, intriguing, creative and original. These are the thoughts that come to mind when I think of her. She has agreed to share a bit of her life with us but does not want her name used. For now I will call her, Dazzler.

“Here is a vague version of my story of strength found in weakness. Sharing my testimony terrifies me. And yes, I see it as a testimony. It is a long drawn out story that cannot be simplified enough. I wouldn't tell my story without giving Jesus recognition. Because in all honesty, he is the only one that I entrust with my complete broken soul. It is only because of him in down and out situations that I am here alive today. To say anything less would be a complete and utter copout.I have been hurt by telling my story so much in the past that it almost became even more painful than the story itself. The rejection and loss of hope that came from the people I loved was what drove me to the act of attempted suicide. I will never do that again. I have thought about it, but owe it to the Lord too much to take my life for granted. I was given a second chance and a third and a fourth and a, I could go on and on. I have tried to give into calling my savior other names, just to find that by no other name will man be saved. I am not a preacher, not out to convert, just a woman who believes what she believes because she has received what she has received and is still receiving. What is that you ask? Grace. And as a man giveth so shall he receive. It is by your faith that you are healed. Hope doesn't love you back. Hope doesn't care for you. Hope is just an attribute of God. Hope is a sliver of the amount of light that truth can shine on a situation. Hope is not strong when you are weak. When you are alone with hope you can't wail in its presence. Hope didn't love you enough to die for you. Hope can take you so far in recovering from fear, pain and sorrow. Jesus will take you all the way.” –Dazzler

These next few sentences are some of the best encouraging words I’ve received in a long time:

“You are obviously going to do great things in the name of Jesus, this is why the devil tried so hard to destroy you. This is what I believe about myself. You are proof that greater is He who is within you then he who is within the world.”

Thank you for your faith!

Dawnstar

Interview #4 Rebecca aka Dawnstar

Rebecca and Jason, chef extraordinaires, had just fed us a great homecooked meal and it was now time to begin faze two of the evening: Watching their adorable daughter, Violet entertain us. I think we’ve all been turned off at some point, (especially us unmarried, childless people) by kids that are throwing tantrums or by watching their parents sickenly fawn over their little baby and the wonders of it’s “poopy”. But when I am around Violet I suddenly find myself wanting one of my own. A mini-me to tickle and play with. Then I think of diapers and crying and start daydreaming about the beauty of abstinence. Still, it is very easy to envy Rebecca’s family and see why she loves them so very much.

I began talking myself out of asking her these interview questions. My mind filled with reasons why I should just sit there quietly and not bother her. She’s pregnant which means she must be tired and sensitive so I should let her go to bed and leave her alone. What if she finds me annoying one on one? What if she decides I’m not good enough for Wes? I need a drink—WHOA. There’s my devil creeping in trying to stop me from doing something I know is important so I blurted out,

“Oh! Can I ask you some questions?” as if the notion had just popped into my head.

“Sure, lets go to the table and let the guys play Jason’s new PS3 game.” She smiled adoringly towards her loving husband. (I catch her doing that a lot!)

I took a deep breath, “What comes to mind when you hear the word, Courage?”

“People who can be themselves and accept themselves for who they really are, regardless of size and what society might want them to be.”

Rebecca showed a lot of passion while discussing body issues and the harm that does to females, and some males. Many women have felt they are not pretty, thin or good enough and maybe never will be. Luckily Rebecca’s been blessed with an empowering husband who strives to build her up.

It was clear that her daughter is her soul and her husband fills her heart. They both inspire her to be the best Mother and the best person she can be. But, life wasn’t always as fulfilling and complete for her as it is now.

She’s overcome the difficulty of post-partum depression. She is proud of a courageous step she took in understanding and accepting that anti-depressant’s could help balance out her depression and make her life better. The medication has helped her mood not drop to frightening lows, melted away anxiety attacks and has kept her from being a “righteous whore”, as she put it. Ha!

Throughout her life she has experienced verbal abuse, sexual abuse, confusion and that startling realization that at times she compromised her body so that guys might like her more. I saw that even saying that aloud was embarrassing for her but I know that many of us ladies have been there. For anyone struggling she suggests that you please talk to someone. Don’t keep things buried inside. Talk to a counselor, a friend, a stranger.

Her tight knit group of female friends and her family have helped her heal old wounds. She has taken control of her life and her health and is a shining example of a beautiful, courageous, intelligent woman. The perfect way to describe Rebecca would be the exact words she used to describe her Mother, “funny, sweet, generous, has been through a lot and loves her kids more than anything.” Thank you for your courage, Rebecca. Your daughter has been very blessed by getting you for a Mom!

Rainbow Brite

Interview #6 – Jennifer aka Rainbow Brite

It’s been hours since I spoke with Jennifer yet here I am still in awe of her grace, strength and the all encompassing love that emanates from her. It’s rare to find someone who has endured extreme trauma yet still has a childlike twinkle in their eyes. I feel blessed beyond measure that I was able to speak with her and have a moment of my life brightened by her hope.

There we were sitting on a dirty bench in the sprinkling rain armed with delicious hot dogs and ready to begin, “When you hear the word courage what do you think of?” I asked.

She took a breath, “I think of my old dance partners Mom. She is the most courageous person I know. It took so much strength for her to go on after losing her only child and her brother-in-law in that car accident. And there she was willing to be there for me.”

It took me more than a minute to make all the proper connections in this story, “So, you lost your dance partner too! That must’ve been terrible. How old were you?”

“I was fifteen and yes it was hard. We had been dance partners and best friends since we were two years old! We had just been accepted to the American Ballet Theatre! Then Chris died and my injuries made me unable to dance or even walk.” She looked down.

My head jerked up, “Wait. What? You were in the car crash too? Were you the sole survivor?” I was in shock.

“Yes,” she said sweetly, “Chris saved me and I know he watches after me now. My own guardian angel.” She smiled at me.

Fifteen years old, an incredible dancer with an amazing best friend/partner/love and then it’s all taken away in the blink of an eye. My heart was aching as she told me the details of her story. In the car crash both her legs were crushed. The doctors said she might never walk again. The mother of her friend that passed away in the same crash stayed by her side through the entire recovery and paid for an experimental surgery to help her regain use of her legs. With lots of physical therapy and support she went on to walk and even dance again! Physically her healing was going as well as anyone could hope but emotionally recovery took more time. At the time of the accident the whole situation was too traumatic for her mother. We all have different reactions when under pressure and at that point in her life she was not able to be there for Jennifer. (They have since mended their relationship.) She also lost the person she was closest to, the man that told his mother every year since he was little that he was going to marry Jennifer when they grew up. She felt guilt and sorrow. Her self esteem dropped. Yet, she never gave up on herself and her life!

Chris’s mom would remind Jennifer that he would want her to be happy, and keep dancing and never give up. Those words still motivate her today! She’s living her life in a positive way for both of them. Life isn’t easy and that isn’t the only difficulty she’s gone through but I felt empowered, encouraged and immensely impressed looking into her eyes and seeing her hope.

When she’s having a hard day she tries to dance, write poetry, do graphic design, take photographs and spend time with her “Miracle Cat”, Jimmy.

The rain intensified as we sat there finishing our hot dogs. I felt like my heart was going to burst from my chest. The life she’s had could lead some people to be angry, bitter, and unhappy. Yet here she was smiling, laughing, reminiscing and blowing me away! She shined with love and hope. When I asked what advice she would give to others who are dealing with abuse or trauma she said, “You are never alone. It’s not the end of the world. I learned to walk again. I know you can overcome!”

Jennifer’s daily goal is to make at least two people smile. I know she met her goal today! :)

Mystique

Interview #7 – Jill aka Mystique

Every time I’m cast in a play I look forward to the new friendships I hope to make. This summer my goal was to catapult Jill from vague acquaintance to good friend. During the 2-3 weeks in between auditions and the start of rehearsals I had three dreams about Jill. In all of them she and I teamed up to fight bad guys! Once we were Charlie’s Angels and twice we were ourselves with Jill protecting me and leading the way to justice. I never mentioned all of these dreams to her because I was pretty sure it would weird her out and quite frankly I had no clue why she was starring in my subconscious mind but I was determined to find out!

Our friendship has grown and I was so excited to meet with her that I forfeited sleeping in on a weekend. That’s true friendship!

In A.M. zombie mode I wandered into the coffee shop. There she was; new haircut, new hair color and ready for a new cup of coffee.

We said our hellos, caught up a bit on life, gossiped about our boyfriends and then it was time to start the interview.

“When you hear the word ‘Courage’ what do you think of?” I asked as I sipped on my toffee spiked Americano.

“Taking risks without being reckless. Knowing the consequences and choosing to do difficult things.”

When I think of Jill I see a talented, witty, strong yet vulnerable young woman who doesn’t always see in the mirror what the rest of us see so clearly. As many of us know, life events and unplanned experiences can break our spirits.

Years ago she was a victim of date rape. Sadly, hearing that didn’t surprise me too much because it’s a horribly common epidemic, especially in Alaska. What did surprise me was hearing her say that she felt partly to blame. I know that many girls feel guilt and I’ve heard a lot of reasons: “I accepted a drink from a stranger.” “I was drunk/high.” “I liked him and said I would go on the date.” It took all my restraint to not latch onto her and repeat, “It’s not your fault!” Good Will Hunting-style until I could feel her believing it. No one deserves to be physically violated! Regardless of age, sex, race, intoxication level, skimpy outfits, etc. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING makes it okay or even remotely understandable to be sexually assaulted. You are not to blame in any way for the sick, unfair wrong choices other people make. It is not your fault!

I believe she knows that and as her love for herself continues to grow right and wrong will become more clear. Jill is thankful that she began opening up about that experience because as a result other friends have found comfort in confiding in her. The fact that more than one person has chosen to trust Jill with their most personal feelings speaks volumes for her character!

As I sat there speaking with her it was quite apparent that her joy has been returning! Jill has welcomed a new mature and loving man into her life. She has the lovely opportunity now to get used to being treated like a Queen. She is currently involved in an artistic production that she’s proud of and passionate about. She recently quit smoking and is still going strong! (That is no easy feat!) And today she succeeded in doing one of her favorite things, making people laugh! She is hilarious!

Near the end of our conversation when asked what she’s proud of in her life she stated, “I’m proud of taking new risks and knowing the consequences…instead of being reckless like I have been in the past.”

My heart skipped a beat. That was almost word for word her definition of “Courage”.

Jill, whether you realized it or not you are living a courageous inspiring life and I look forward to seeing it blossom even more!

Catwoman

Interview #9 – Meg aka Catwoman

When I glance at a piece of artwork I either like it or feel apathetic about it and I very rarely understand it. At closer inspection I’m either turned off by the over-the-top pretension or I’m touched and intrigued, longing to explore the meaning of the piece.

I take a similar approach when meeting new people. And at a closer look Meg had a depth I rarely see in young adults. She was not terribly shy, just quiet. Not nervous, contemplative. I longed to see her from the inside out. She was clearly carrying heartache, insecurity and apprehension but that was blanketed by a courageous wisdom I’d never seen before.

We sat in my apartment drinking root beer and giggling. The rain was pouring outside…again. I knew that Meg’s recent days had been spent studying and creating sculptures, paintings and other fascinating pieces so I explained my mission of encouragement to her and with her permission we started the interview.

Meg spoke of art, philosophy, love, pain, abuse, and secrets. I sat their listening and being thoroughly impressed by her knowledge, creativity and good humor.

She has endured many hardships throughout her life. Abuse of different types and the after shocks that always tag along. But she hasn’t let them overcome her. I think that God gave her the incredible talent she has as a way to heal, emote and when needed, escape.

“When I’m making art, even though I’m drawing from my experience, it’s a therapeutic comforting way to abstractly show my feelings,” she explained.

Some of her emotional wounds are more recent than others but she has had the courage to talk to a counselor and retrain some of her negative thinking. Meg has impressed me many times in the short while I’ve known her. She’s nearing the end of college and has received some very prestigious scholarships. She is living on her own and taking control of her life. I recently cheered for her at an art show she held and although it wasn’t a venue where she could showcase her favorite art pieces it was a stepping stone that let her shine.

I know I will continue to see her grow, value herself more and find those moments of joy in each day!

For those of us recovering from abuse she wants us to know that, “It will get better! Look for the moments in the day that make you happy. Don’t obsess about the ‘what ifs’ and don’t worry about being someone else. Just be the best you, that you can be.”

Every once in a while we are lucky enough to find a friend that touches a fragile part of us that we cradle deep inside. I’ve found that with Meg and it’s amazing to know someone who will never judge me, criticize me or hurt me. She is so much stronger than she can see right now and I can’t wait for the moment she opens her eyes a little wider and becomes the amazing force I already know she is.

I’m going to end with a quote that makes me think of you, Meg:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” –Williamson

Let yourself shine!