“He’s so funny and smart!”
“He is super talented!”
“Oh, he’s cuuute!”
These are all common quotes I hear about the man of the hour. Leif. Actor, musician, lover, computer geek extraordinaire! Leif and I played together for the first time, ten years ago! We laughed, ate Thai food and sang about guys and dolls. Thanks to the magic of theatre, Leif and I have been a married Jewish couple, we shared the stage as a big bad wolf and an evil stepsister, and we kissed while lamenting his supreme skills at fertilizing my eggs. It’s hard to not grow close to someone after these staged, yet oh-so-real experiences. Thankfully, we took time off the stage to truly get to know each other.
When I’m around Leif I get an immediate sense of relief. I feel that I can let my guard down around him and he’d never judge me for anything. It’s surprising how rare that is to find. I’m never quite sure what off-color joke might roll off his tongue but at least I know they’re coming. He easily admits that humor is his defense mechanism. Thank God the man’s funny!
Child abuse leads many people to build up walls and find ways to defend themselves from further pain. Leif endured things that no one, especially a child should be exposed to.
Research shows that 1 in 6 boys will be sexually assaulted before the age of 16. Those numbers are disturbingly high. Sexual abuse is under reported by females and even more so by males. There are many things that make it difficult for guys to talk about being abused. I am extremely proud of Leif and his courage to speak out about what he’s gone through. I am not sure he realizes how much his strength and openness can impact the lives of others. He is not alone in what he’s experienced and breaking the silence is the only way to show others they can also overcome!
Most perpetrators are straight adult men that are close trusted men in the lives of the children they hurt. The man that hurt Leif fit into this mold perfectly. When Leif was twelve years old one of his parent’s friends began sexually abusing him. I have a twelve year old brother. He is at a time in his life where he’s developing a lot physically and finding his place in the world mentally. Abuse as a child severely stunts your emotional growth and really alters your view of the world, at least for awhile. Leif’s abuse went on for three years. During that time he went from a social boy in the gifted program at school to a silent boy isolating himself and failing all his classes. He found one friend that he was able to confide in and trust. After the abuse stopped Leif began healing. He said it took fifteen years to heal enough to talk about it but he is an incredibly strong amazing man today despite the obstacles he went through.
Leif is one of the most intelligent men I know. He can enter a room full of instruments and play one after another with grace and skill. As an actor he is always in demand and everyone who knows him loves him! Leif recently got married and became a father! He was very blessed to find the woman who fits perfectly with his heart. And he got a bonus by becoming a father to her beautiful daughter. He feels happy and at ease with his life today. I am so proud of him!
Leif, thank you so much for your courage in sharing such a difficult part of your life. You can really change someone’s entire world just by letting them know they’re not alone!
If you or someone you know is a victim of male sexual abuse please seek help. Find someone you can talk to. Here are links to a couple helpful websites that break down some of the myths and give great resources. You aren’t defined by what others do to you. You have reserves of strength inside yourself. You can overcome!
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